I stand for my Mom.
I stand for people that are forced to make health care decisions based on their income. I stand for the people who have dedicated their lives to treating this horrible disease. I stand for the people who are unable to afford the medicines that prevent nausea and help control pain. I stand for the people that make the choice to participate in a clinical trial, and in their fight, teach everyone more about this disease. I stand for people who donate their time selflessly to educate, investigate and support everyone that is touched by cancer. I stand for the person that now wears my Mom's wig.
I stand for my Father in Law. I stand for my Aunt. I stand for my Grandmother. I stand for my friends.
I stand and I will walk. The initial kick off meetings for Relay for Life starts next week. I will not sit by in my grief and watch the purple shirts walk by. I will walk with them and for them, and I will celebrate.
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Come, Spirit Come
Our hearts control. Our spirits long to be made whole. Let inward love guide every deed. By this we worship, and are freed. This is the third verse of a hymn called "Though I May Speak" by Hal H. Hopson.
I had my first meeting/appointment with a counselor last night. Last night brought strange dreams of earthquakes and being in the house I grew up in.
I told him his purpose at this point was to listen to what I could not say to anyone else. I needed to be able to give some of the memories to him that I could no longer keep. And he told me, "You will need to give these to me more than once." And since you know how I am by now, I took that away and thought about it on the ride home. This isn't how I thought this would work. I thought I would just give him the memory and he would clean up the mess and make it nice and tidy.
The other thing that came from yesterday was an increase in my dosage. I had told him that after talking this over with Jason, I had opted for counseling for a while to see if that would be an option instead of increasing the dosage. He said that it doesn't take the place of the work we would need to do together, it would just help me to be in a place where I could do the work most effectively.
Maybe the dream last night was to remind me why I started down this path. I feel like what I know about myself has been shaken to the very core.
I had my first meeting/appointment with a counselor last night. Last night brought strange dreams of earthquakes and being in the house I grew up in.
I told him his purpose at this point was to listen to what I could not say to anyone else. I needed to be able to give some of the memories to him that I could no longer keep. And he told me, "You will need to give these to me more than once." And since you know how I am by now, I took that away and thought about it on the ride home. This isn't how I thought this would work. I thought I would just give him the memory and he would clean up the mess and make it nice and tidy.
The other thing that came from yesterday was an increase in my dosage. I had told him that after talking this over with Jason, I had opted for counseling for a while to see if that would be an option instead of increasing the dosage. He said that it doesn't take the place of the work we would need to do together, it would just help me to be in a place where I could do the work most effectively.
Maybe the dream last night was to remind me why I started down this path. I feel like what I know about myself has been shaken to the very core.
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