House Cleaning

The last few posts are random drafts that have been sitting out there waiting for me to push the button. So PUSH.

I think I am ready to start blogging again now that my blog house is clean.  So get your feed on..

Inner Circle

Today, I thought about all of the additional pieces of information that are now floating around in my head that weren't there 6 months ago. Here they are in no particular order:

1. The other number for Hospice

2. How to convert ml of morphine to mg.

3. How to wash someone's hair while they are in bed.

4. There is a 24 hour waiting period for cremation.

5. Urns can be sealed or unsealed.

6. Sterile procedure. This was a flash back from nursing school.

Ink Spot

I have the ability to block out chunks of my life. It is like my brain has a protective mechanism to make sure I can make it to the next day. It dulls and blurs the memory until it finally becomes unrecognizable.

Most days this works, unless the memory has a smell associated with it. For example, [I don't know if they even make this any more.] Shout aerosol smells like anesthesia to me and the smell makes me immediately and incredibly nauseous. This comes from 8 million ear surgeries when I was little.

Hospice for Dummies

When Mom was in hospice and during the weeks that she stayed with me, I blogged daily. For a good number of my friends and Mom's, this was the first time they had such an intimate look at the day to day with Hospice and caregiving. With that being common knowledge, I have been a part of several what I can only call "twisted" conversations.

So here we go.. Hospice for Dummies

1. We get it.. We do.. Honestly, don't you think if we could have figured out a different road, we would have taken it. Don't you think we would have taken/done/tried anything to not be here. But here we are, so before we get started .. this sucks..

2. If you hear us talk about the blue book, be glad you don't know what it is. We aren't going to tell you, you don't want to know.

3. This is not about you.

You've got stuck in a moment and you can't get out of it

The past few months seem to run together. I haven't done anything great, I haven't done anything different, I haven't done anything that made me take a deep breath and hold on.

Saturday, I got some new hair. If you knew me in High School, then you know this color. It is almost my natural color. ( I am really tempted to throw some quotes around natural.) I really like the cut and am still unsure of the color. Think of the times you have looked in the mirror and not known yourself. I have had stages over the past couple of years, but this in my face different. (More not quotes.) It is amazing how such a change can make such a difference in how you and other people see you. I have run into people over the past week or so that haven't known me.

After Mom died, I had dark hair for a while because I wanted to make my outside match my inside. This time, it is more, I am ready to kick over into different. It looks different enough that it makes me stop and look when I catch myself in the mirror.