Wendy and I will be at Mom's this weekend to move the remaining stuff out of her condo. The last time I was at Mom's, we were coming to see George to begin the talk about Hospice. I am not looking forward to this weekend. We should be at Mom's by 9:00 AM on Saturday.
I am turning into Forest Gump. My bike just came off the deck and went to the Spin Cycle to get tuned up. Today, I could just get on my bike and ride until I hit water, and then turn around and ride until I hit water again. I need to give what I am feeling a physical outlet for a while. I feel this need to put some miles on my grief. My heart is so tired, I think if I could make my body feel as tired as my heart, I could get some sleep.
I know this is not what Mom wanted for me, but this was not what I wanted for her either.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Monday, May 19, 2008
Meals on Wheels Monday
Today is my normal Meals on Wheels day. I have been doing this for about 10 years with my friend Ken. He told me, "I can see how you are from listening to the stories about your Mom."
I thought about that a great deal today. I never thought Mom and I were much alike. Some years, we looked alike more than others, but from a personality standpoint, I was always a much paler version of Mom. Mom had a cuter nose, but I got the chin. Mom was not afraid to meet new people, but she was okay being alone. That was always a major struggle for me. It was a major accomplishment for me when I could fly somewhere, get to my hotel, and eat by myself. It takes me a while to feel comfortable before I can carry on a conversation. [I was always much brighter with Mom. If you saw us together, you understand.] I have never gone to a movie by myself, but if there was something Mom wanted to see, she would take herself to the theater. Mom always had the most wonderful and diverse group of friends.
Mom always matched, from her makeup to her clothes. No matter what, she always looked pulled together. I have been known to go to work in my PJ's. Between the tattoos and the belly ring, she let me go my own way most days. I am sure more people than me have been trotted (or dragged by the ear) to the Bobbie Brown counter by my Mom.
I miss her again today. I cry for her again today. I miss the person I was with her. I miss having someone that knows my life, with all the twists and turns from the begining.
I thought about that a great deal today. I never thought Mom and I were much alike. Some years, we looked alike more than others, but from a personality standpoint, I was always a much paler version of Mom. Mom had a cuter nose, but I got the chin. Mom was not afraid to meet new people, but she was okay being alone. That was always a major struggle for me. It was a major accomplishment for me when I could fly somewhere, get to my hotel, and eat by myself. It takes me a while to feel comfortable before I can carry on a conversation. [I was always much brighter with Mom. If you saw us together, you understand.] I have never gone to a movie by myself, but if there was something Mom wanted to see, she would take herself to the theater. Mom always had the most wonderful and diverse group of friends.
Mom always matched, from her makeup to her clothes. No matter what, she always looked pulled together. I have been known to go to work in my PJ's. Between the tattoos and the belly ring, she let me go my own way most days. I am sure more people than me have been trotted (or dragged by the ear) to the Bobbie Brown counter by my Mom.
I miss her again today. I cry for her again today. I miss the person I was with her. I miss having someone that knows my life, with all the twists and turns from the begining.
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