Solid Ground

Over the past few weeks, the ground has gotten more solid around me. I think it is a combination of the medicine and the talking. For the first time in a long time, I am starting to feel like me again. I am not saying that I am still not crying and I don't miss Mom horribly, but it doesn't feel as sharp as over the summer.

I am not the same me as last year. This weekend last year was spent getting ready for Mom to have surgery. Zach was getting ready to sign his Letter of Intent and my only worries were what we were going to eat for Thanksgiving. I normally take the week of Thanksgiving off to get ready for everything that happens in December.

My calendar is getting ready to cross when Mom got sick last year. I go into this Wednesday knowing this day will change my world. I go into this Wednesday never imaging how it will end. I go into this Wednesday with a picture of Mom in my car on the way to the hospital calling Susan to get her "those PJ's at Chico's" so she will match her robe as she lounges around after her surgery. I go into this Wednesday never imaging I would put those PJ's on Mom after she died.

My name is Stan. I am a big stupid head.....

My name is Stan. I am a big stupid head. I can't see my feet but I can drive my truck. When I was just washing my neck, all my steri strips remarkably fell off so I shaved around my incision. If I could find the scissors, I would trim a couple of the stitches that are sticking out of my neck. Oh yeah, I am a big stupid head.

6 vertebrae in my neck are now fused together and cushioned with something that looks like dice. A big stupid head is very heavy and needs metal plates to hold it up.

Somebody please pinch me....

SMART Goals

I still am finding new things in Mom's stuff. She had a CD called Tapestry which is a bunch of random people singing Carole King songs. In this CD is a small yellow piece of paper with the definition of Smart Goals, plus TQM and the words "outside the box". I remember this rant with Mom. We have all been a part of this, whatever the magic words of the time to make us more efficient, balanced and motivated workers. I am working up to a random fit and Mom is taking notes.

Stan is feeling better and is also moving around better today. Several people have stopped by or called this weekend to check on him, and have also brought us dinner. We have moved slow this weekend and it has been good for both of us. This is my last slow weekend before the end of the year. I have barely checked email since Wednesday and have taken naps this weekend as Stan has taken naps. I think maybe I am rested (finally).

The hospital stay with Stan was harder that I thought it would be. Stan around the corner from the room that Mom stayed in when we were at Western Wake. This means I knew were the secret snacks were located. A couple of nurses asked me where I worked, and I when I answered, they had assumed I was "medical". No, I told them, I had taken care of my Mom.