Help Wanted

In the past few weeks, it has become very obvious to me that I need a Mom. In short, I need:

1. Someone to drag me to the makeup counter every once and a while.
2. Someone to be in total amazement when I have yardwork done.
3. Someone to tuck me.
4. Someone to steal earrings from.
5. Someone to remind me to sleep and take it easy.
6. Someone to always be in my corner, no matter what I do.
7. Someone to say "Why can't so and so do this? Make them get off their $#@." and understand why I can't ask.
8. Someone to be proud of me.
9. Someone who knows why there are no peas in my house.
10. Someone to tell me how to arrange the furniture in my house.
11. Someone to buy me wind up toys, little cups and strange things to stick on my fridge.
12. Someone to buy me goop that I would never think of buying myself.
13. Someone I can call and say "Hello My Mommy". [I am 43, but our phone calls always started like this.]

The list goes on...

Tender is the Night

I have a bad habit of stealing song/book titles in the past few weeks. I am tossing around the idea of changing the blog title at this point. We all know where Mom is.

Zach is in the midst of exams and next week he graduates. We are heading to OVU in the next couple of weeks to meet Zach's coaches. Life goes on.

Weight of Grief

At this point in my life, my grief weighs an additional 15 lbs. I had lost about 15 lbs during the last month Mom was at my house. I am expanding to fill the missing space.

I think I am in one of the better funks of my life right now. Personally, I have always enjoyed a good funk every once in a while. There is something to be said for a concentrated time of inner focus and reflection. Random thoughts seem to lead to a different and deeper examination.

For example, I have spent a great deal of time negotiating my relationship with God. (My choice of words, not His.) I think I am maybe past angry, but am willing to make a deal. How funny is that? And like our loving Father God, he listens, seeing past my anger. I can see how grief can isolate you from God. Afraid of showing that you don't understand, why/how could God do this, and trying to figure out what you did to make this happen makes you feel like you are completely alone. But maybe the root of this is when you try to make this a one sided conversation. [It's not like He doesn't already know what is happening. ] God knows I was angry because I told him. He is big enough to handle this. He gets angry at me sometimes. So, God and I will be angry together for a while. How great is that?