Help Wanted

In the past few weeks, it has become very obvious to me that I need a Mom. In short, I need:

1. Someone to drag me to the makeup counter every once and a while.
2. Someone to be in total amazement when I have yardwork done.
3. Someone to tuck me.
4. Someone to steal earrings from.
5. Someone to remind me to sleep and take it easy.
6. Someone to always be in my corner, no matter what I do.
7. Someone to say "Why can't so and so do this? Make them get off their $#@." and understand why I can't ask.
8. Someone to be proud of me.
9. Someone who knows why there are no peas in my house.
10. Someone to tell me how to arrange the furniture in my house.
11. Someone to buy me wind up toys, little cups and strange things to stick on my fridge.
12. Someone to buy me goop that I would never think of buying myself.
13. Someone I can call and say "Hello My Mommy". [I am 43, but our phone calls always started like this.]

The list goes on...