Walk This Way

Yesterday, in the rain, I walked for Mom.

Empty Seats

I am Elder for the 8:30 Service this month. One of the things that comes with this is Communion preparation for the first Sunday of the month. This Sunday is World Communion Sunday, and that made me think of all of the people around the world we share this sacrament with tommorrow.  Normally, when I prepare Communion, I say a little prayer for the elements as I put them in the tray. Usually along the lines of "May this be a blessing to you. " or "May this give your heart peace." But today, I prayed for the pieces that were left in the box and in the jar. I prayed for the people, for any reason, that do not sit at this table with us, or the larger table that we will all share tomorrow. I prayed for my pieces and jars to be empty, and hearts to be full.

Grace and Peace,
Robin

Generally Speaking

My new goal in life is to be a Generalist.  Or a rodeo clown.

But my words they lie 'cause when we kiss...

Yep.. OOOOH FIRE. (Or fire alarm.) I am sitting in my unergonomic, unsafe chair and about 10 am, the fire alarm goes off at work over my head. I am the only one in the building and all I can think of is that I have set the building on fire with the coffee pot in the break room.  I grab my purse and my phone and head downstairs (peaking first at the coffee pot).

I am standing outside the building and I realize, I have no idea who to call. I know the alarm has triggered the fire department. I am standing in the parking lot, looking at the building, looking for flames and the police chief drives up. He checks in with the Fire Department while I am trying to find Bob (because his name is on the building).  Pretty soon afterwards, the fire truck comes and then a few minutes later, my favorite best maintenance man ever, Larry.  Lots of looking, no fire, really awesome firemen, and really awesome everybody.

When I first walked out of the building, I can not describe what it felt like to look at that building, and have no idea who to call. In my mind, I saw the company that I have worked for almost 22 years go up in smoke.

I think of times when events in my life have been both the fire alarm and the fire. And I called God. I called God when they found the lung nodule last year. I called God when Mom was sick. I called God when the Little Grandma died.  And he sent the firemen and the friends.

Funeral Potatoes

Lately, I seem to be sitting in the reserved seats at funerals.  So, when it comes time for you to sit in my reserved seats, just a heads up.

I am going to be cremated and I am honestly not sure where I will land. Hopefully, under a bed of tulips somewhere or tossed in the air.  It's okay. It's not me, you already have the best piece of me in your heart. The rest is just wrapping paper.

There will be food. Come hungry.

There will be Communion. Come hungry.

The play list looks something like this: "Children Go Where I Send Thee", "Break Forth",  "Love is Simple", "God of the Sparrow", "Nulla In Mundo Pax Sincera"

There will be an Order of Worship. I can't help it. 

There will be a couple of readings: The reading by Henry Scott Holland from Mom's funeral plus a couple other random readings. (Don't want to spoil the entire surprise.)

There will be bubbles. Lots of bubbles and chalk.

There will be Joy.


I know this seems like a random post, but this has been on my mind since the Little Grandma's funeral.  How can the sum of someone's life be accurately expressed by a person that never knew her.

House Cleaning

The last few posts are random drafts that have been sitting out there waiting for me to push the button. So PUSH.

I think I am ready to start blogging again now that my blog house is clean.  So get your feed on..

Inner Circle

Today, I thought about all of the additional pieces of information that are now floating around in my head that weren't there 6 months ago. Here they are in no particular order:

1. The other number for Hospice

2. How to convert ml of morphine to mg.

3. How to wash someone's hair while they are in bed.

4. There is a 24 hour waiting period for cremation.

5. Urns can be sealed or unsealed.

6. Sterile procedure. This was a flash back from nursing school.

Ink Spot

I have the ability to block out chunks of my life. It is like my brain has a protective mechanism to make sure I can make it to the next day. It dulls and blurs the memory until it finally becomes unrecognizable.

Most days this works, unless the memory has a smell associated with it. For example, [I don't know if they even make this any more.] Shout aerosol smells like anesthesia to me and the smell makes me immediately and incredibly nauseous. This comes from 8 million ear surgeries when I was little.

Hospice for Dummies

When Mom was in hospice and during the weeks that she stayed with me, I blogged daily. For a good number of my friends and Mom's, this was the first time they had such an intimate look at the day to day with Hospice and caregiving. With that being common knowledge, I have been a part of several what I can only call "twisted" conversations.

So here we go.. Hospice for Dummies

1. We get it.. We do.. Honestly, don't you think if we could have figured out a different road, we would have taken it. Don't you think we would have taken/done/tried anything to not be here. But here we are, so before we get started .. this sucks..

2. If you hear us talk about the blue book, be glad you don't know what it is. We aren't going to tell you, you don't want to know.

3. This is not about you.

You've got stuck in a moment and you can't get out of it

The past few months seem to run together. I haven't done anything great, I haven't done anything different, I haven't done anything that made me take a deep breath and hold on.

Saturday, I got some new hair. If you knew me in High School, then you know this color. It is almost my natural color. ( I am really tempted to throw some quotes around natural.) I really like the cut and am still unsure of the color. Think of the times you have looked in the mirror and not known yourself. I have had stages over the past couple of years, but this in my face different. (More not quotes.) It is amazing how such a change can make such a difference in how you and other people see you. I have run into people over the past week or so that haven't known me.

After Mom died, I had dark hair for a while because I wanted to make my outside match my inside. This time, it is more, I am ready to kick over into different. It looks different enough that it makes me stop and look when I catch myself in the mirror.