When did I become this new person? I am not sure I like her. She wakes up in the middle of the night to check on someone that is no longer here. She sleeps with Mom's dog. She can't delete Mom's name off her phone. Her prayers are muddled and angry. She cries when she fills out forms for luminaries. She cries for no reason. She is so incredibly jealous of the people in the purple shirts. I wanted to see my Mom in a purple shirt today. I wanted to walk beside her and be proud of her on the second lap and be able to say "You did it. We did it". Instead, I sat in my chair, cheered for the people that walked by me today and cried.
I bought a luminary for Mom this morning and will light it tonight at the Remembrance ceremony tonight at 9:00 PM. I have cried all day over the idea of seeing Mom's name on one of these simple white bags. I really debated over this while we were setting up this morning if I could do this. The old me would have done it in a heartbeat and thought nothing more of it. This new me can barely write my Mom's name on the paper. When did I become this new person?
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