Thursday, September 11, 2008

And in the sea there is a fish. A fish that has a secret wish.

A wish to be a big cactus. With a pink flower on it.

I have gone from a round of not dreaming to a round of busy dreams, which is very different for me. They remind me of the vivid dreams from using a patch when trying to stop smoking. When I wake up, I feel like I just closed my eyes, but with a internal feeling of "you were supposed to finish this before you woke up." I wake up tired and behind.

I have a follow up with the Dr next week. We are close to the magic 29 days. For some reason, I thought I would be happy by now. But I am not sure the opposite of sad is happy, but closer to not sad. Maybe this is part of the deal. Maybe if I had just stuck it out, I could have kicked myself over to happy without some chemical assistance. Maybe if I had more faith, I could have prayed myself over to happy. Maybe if I just had more fill in the blank, I would always be happy.

Maybe if I had less doubts, I would always be happy.

1 comment:

Di said...

OK...this is it! You and I MUST get together this week. Lunch, after work, you name it. Rory has games Monday and Tuesday night.