Our hearts control. Our spirits long to be made whole. Let inward love guide every deed. By this we worship, and are freed. This is the third verse of a hymn called "Though I May Speak" by Hal H. Hopson.
I had my first meeting/appointment with a counselor last night. Last night brought strange dreams of earthquakes and being in the house I grew up in.
I told him his purpose at this point was to listen to what I could not say to anyone else. I needed to be able to give some of the memories to him that I could no longer keep. And he told me, "You will need to give these to me more than once." And since you know how I am by now, I took that away and thought about it on the ride home. This isn't how I thought this would work. I thought I would just give him the memory and he would clean up the mess and make it nice and tidy.
The other thing that came from yesterday was an increase in my dosage. I had told him that after talking this over with Jason, I had opted for counseling for a while to see if that would be an option instead of increasing the dosage. He said that it doesn't take the place of the work we would need to do together, it would just help me to be in a place where I could do the work most effectively.
Maybe the dream last night was to remind me why I started down this path. I feel like what I know about myself has been shaken to the very core.
1 comment:
Don't worry about dosages. Whatever you are taking is perfectly safe...and trust me, whatever you are taking, I'm taking more. And my doctor told me that what I am taking is safer than taking two Tylenol per day.
Don't feel like taking stuff or upping dosages is a weakness. Now is not the time. After you have stabilized for like 6 months or a year, THEN you MIGHT consider reducing the dosage. Why take away your safety net?
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