Still, Still, Still

I just woke up to give Mom her next round of meds. To keep the meds in Mom's system at a constant level, we are on a 24 hour schedule until we add back some of the longer acting pain meds. Mom has slept most of the night without problems in her new bed in her new room. When my house is still like this, everyone snuggled in their bed, for a short time my house feels like a regular house. In the dark, all of the things that make my house so different now: the meds, the potty chair, the IV pole, the baby monitor, the sharps container, and the horrible brown folder blend into the shadows.

The horrible brown folder contains our HealthCare POA, Mom's DNR paper, a contact list, and a list of medicines, and her hospice information. This folder travels with Mom wherever we go. Now that Thursday is over, one of the hardest things about this day was this paper. My head knows that this is what Mom wants, but my heart can't imagine not doing everything possible if Mom is in this situation. I hope you have never seen this paper or have had the crushing responsibilty of handing this paper to another person. I handed this paper to the drivers that brought Mom home Thursday. Think of what I asked of these people I did not know. I asked them for kindness and comfort for my Mom.

This paper is a goldenrod color with a big red stop sign. But right now, the stop sign seems to fit into what is happening right now in our lives. Stop and evaluate what is important. The things that seemed important before Mom was sick have slowly slid down the list. Stop. There will be time for the mirad of things that fill our life later. Think of the times in your life God put a stop sign there. It wasn't to keep you from moving forward, but to remind you to be still and to look around at where you were going so you could cross safely.

Mom had a good visit with Gerald last night and we have another busy day today with Uncle Richard and Joanne coming this way. It will be a good day.