Before Mom was sick, my Saturday would start with a short jaunt to work about 6:00 AM. About 8:30 or 9:00, I would call and we would have our Saturday "What are you doing?" chat. I would hear about Mom's week and what everyone was doing while she was still in bed. What do I do now?
This has been a really hard week for me. I miss the physical. I just want to hear her voice, I want her to tuck me in, I want her to listen to me whine, I just want. I want so much it hurts.
There is just this deep sharp emptiness at this point. I remember the emptiness when Dad died, but I don't remember the sharpness. I know it is time to stop crying, but I just don't think I am finished yet.
This weekend is Relay for Life. From the ACS Web Site:
The American Cancer Society Relay For Life represents the hope that those lost to cancer will never be forgotten, that those who face cancer will be supported and that one day – cancer will be eliminated. Celebrate. Remember. Fight Back. -- I am grateful for the resources that this funds. For us, it funded a dietitian to help me find things for Mom to eat and resources when Mom was first diagnosed.
Church is participating and I need to take drinks/water for us to sell. I am not sure how long I will make it past the opening ceremonies. I missed all of the sign ups/committee stuff this year. I am almost thankful. I don't think I could bear seeing Mom's name on a luminary this year.
I keep thinking that whatever post I do will be the last, but this has really been helpful to me to write here for a while after Mom.
1 comment:
Hi Robin and Wendy,
I don't have an email address for you so I'm leaving this comment in hopes that you see it.
You did a super job with Pat. She must be so proud.
Daughters losing mothers, that's a hard row to hoe! I'll not sit and give you tons of advice on handling the absence of your mom, except to say I've been there, and it does get easier! I don't think of my mother any less often than I did last year but I don't cry nearly as much when I do.
You are in my thoughts and prayers daily.
Judy Starmer
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