Tense

I have noticed that I have a hard time with with the correct tense lately when I talk about Mom. My sentences have shifted from will to was, from do to did, from call to called. My conversations have Mom in the present tense, but she is not present.

But, I have started making lists again, and putting dates on my calendar. For the past few weeks, I haven't been very organized. I haven't consistently answered my email. I do good to get up and wash my hair and shave my legs most days. I am starting to put things on my calendar past the current week and am beginning to move back to my wound tight over busy self again. I need to put my life back in the present tense. Clean my house, do my work, go to church, spend time with my family, spend time with my friends, get out of bed, put on something besides my child's shorts, write thank you notes, be a Mom.

When I woke Zach up this morning, he told me about the dream he has been having the past few days. It hit me that I have been so wrapped up in my grief, that I have completely ignored what was happening with him. My child saw Mom every day while she was sick. He brought her Cherry Blizzards and would sit with her while I ran errands. He was strong enough to come home that Wednesday and say good bye to Mom, and hold her hand and tell her that he loved her, when she couldn't tell him back. He was here.

Zach has friends that are afraid of our house now. Our house is a house of love. There is only love here. And love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things and endures all things.