And all God needs is gravity to hold me down

[Gravity - Allison Krauss]

I have been in a strange place the past couple of days. Honestly, most of yesterday was good. I did what I needed to do at work, the nice guys at PA Smith fixed the monster car, and Angie didn't lie when she said, "The more often you do yardwork, the less it hurts."

But I am driving back from Cary, and I pass Wake Med, and just start to cry. That hospital is the beginning. In my head, Mom was doing okay. She was weak, but okay before we ended up here. This is where we started with Hospice, this is where Mom refused the NG tube, this is where we got the DNR papers, this is where how this was going to end became real. This is where Mom took off the necklace that is around my neck. This is the last time Mom rode in a car with me. This is where everything moves into light speed.

I know, some days, you just put your head down and do whatever needs to be done. When we came back home, it was like Freaky Friday. Mom take your medicine, Mom you can't eat that, Mom you need to do this, Mom you need to do that, Mom take some more medicine.

I became Martha when I wanted to be Mary. I became the parent when I wanted so much to still be the child. I became the me that you see when I really liked the old me.