Before I started the Hospice group, in my mind, it was the end all be all experience that would make everything perfect. I would learn how to deal with whatever made me cry and at the end, I would be over this. I would be one of those people who has made peace with this year and everything that has happened.
But I can't make myself go to this right now. I have missed the last 3 weeks and honestly, am not planning to go to the last 2 meetings. I just can't walk into the building. I just can't sit in the room and say Mom's name. I am not ready for this to be real.
There are things I need to say that I can't. I can't give the horror and fear of these days to anyone else to bear in their heart. So here I will stay for a while. Until I am not afraid and the day to day memories are not so painful. And then I will try again.
1 comment:
Haley and I saw Stan at Harris Teeter yesterday.
I have stopped believing there will be an end-all be-all solution. I am coming to terms with the fact that my life will be a constant struggle for a balance between coping skills and medication.
"They" say time heals all wounds. But I don't really believe that...I think time just lengthens the time between struggles. How inspirational is that?
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